plus 
plus 
plus 
and 
Poor girl. I'd kill myself too if I had to work on "Forrest Gump." (I apologize to any fans out there.) Apparently, the Oscar-nominated make-up artist for the movie just shot her husband and then herself. Apparently, they were having marital problems. I wonder if she applied any gory special effects make-up before the bullet fest...
gh
plus 
plus 
equals mucho 
A London man recently sued the bicycle warehouse where he was employed for increasing his libido which forced him to have extra-marital sex with other women and prostitutes. He was awarded 3 million pounds in damages Tuesday. Apparently, he fell at work, went into a coma, and when he woke up he was a sex machine. Maybe men should stop popping viagras and start hitting themselves on the head. Maybe they should start hitting themselves on the head anyway.
Man Wins Millions for Being a Sex Machine
plus 
equals one embarrassing letter from a high school principal
So we've all heard the urban legend stories of angry waiters or chefs ejaculating into pasta sauces or creamy condiments - but this time a student at Wheaton North High School in Illinois decided to do the deed as - well, maybe a 'comely' holiday gift for his fellow classmates. He grabbed the ranch bottle from the cafeteria, took it into the bathroom with him... and, well, you can figure out the rest. The funniest part of this is the letter the school principal had to send out to parents suggesting that, "While the Health Department indicated it is unlikely that pathogens could survive in that environment, it is recommended that students be tested for sexually transmittted diseases. But, of course, only for the students who actually "consumed the ranch dressing."
Student Jizzes in Cafeteria's Ranch Dressing
Principal Has to Explain How this CAME to Be
plus 
plus 
equals sexual molestation
It seems impossible these days (at least in my blogs) to avoid alcoholism with these strange but true stories. Today, actress Natasha Lyonne ("American Pie," "Scary Movie 2") turned herself in to a New York court on - get this - charges of threatening to sexually molest her neighbor's dog. And I thought getting it on with an apple pie was weird enough. Apparently, Ms. Lyonne has a wee bit of an alcohol problem. She went over to her neighbor's house, trashed it and threatened "I'm going to sexually molest your dog!"
Well, whatever gets your goat - or your dog:
Natasha Lyonne Loves Dogs - TOO Much
Kevin Craswell, a company director from Epsom England, decided that riding the rails during afternoon rush-hour was a good idea. Problem was, he was drunk on a lethal amount of vodka, unconscious, and using the rail as a pillow. Oncoming trains were rerouted at the last minute so luckily - or unluckily (I sniff a Darwin Award Nominee?) - he was removed before he got flattened.
So Kudos to Craswell for putting his life on the (railway) line.
By the way, he pleaded guilty to "obstructing the railway by neglect." He neglected to send a gift, flowers or even say goodbye after spending the night with said rail.
PLUS 
EQUALS Ridin' the Rails - Unconscious
Is it just me - or is everyone like SO sick of Dakota Fanning? Even her name irks me. She gives talk-show interviews as if she were a fifty-year old, Oscar-winning Hollywood icon (seriously, watch her go-to move: it's an over-the-right-shoulder-hair flip - "I'm boooored. I've been doing this SO long") and employs the saccharine demureness of an 'I'm so humble, this could have happened to anyone' child star. I seriously would like her better if she sat next to David Letterman and was like, "Yeah. I'm the shit. That's why I get the work. I'm cute -- but cute like I'm going to transition into adulthood in a good-looking way not like Haly Joel Osment AND I can act - so suck it!"
Well, the girl certainly can act because she's been pulling the cashmere wool over our eyes. She's not sweet and humble. She knows exactly what she's doing.
My theory is she's planning to take over Hollywood (and possibly the world) along with her buddies Tom Cruise, Kirstie Alley and Jenna Elfman and all the other Scientologists. (Okay, I'm not sure she's friends with the others but the Tom Cruise friendship is creepy enough for me.) The Cruise-connection alone is like a billion points against her in my book. But in Scientology world - it probably means a million fewer aliens vying for her soul. Yes, Tom has that much clout with L. Ron Hubbard.
In a recent interview, Dakota (who, at this moment is probably purchasing her third Malibu condo, writing a hot screenplay which she'll also star in and starting her own production company with some cheezy name like "Fanning the Flames of Film") claims she wants to "direct." Right.
Okay? I'm sorry. Sometimes, I get confused about the whole 'cliche' meaning and phenomenon, so help me out here... Does this mean that maybe we can expect Dakota to fly to Cambodia next month and start adopting children a few years younger than herself, join MENSA and NASA, develop a cure for depression and win an Emmy for her Oscar acceptance speech? All before fourteen?
The worst part is - she has a sister. I smell a vanilla-scented Olsen combo here.
Check Miss-Humble-As-Pie-Know-It-All's interview out:
I've always wondered about this. What happens to those poor gents who have teeny weeny peenies? How do they find condoms? It could be like throwing a hot dog into a hallway. Well, apparently, in India, they've found a solution:
A lawyer in Los Angeles decided to take the idea of 'blind dating' to a whole other level. He posted an ad on Craig's List for a totally BLIND date. As in the restaurant would be pitch black and the dates would not be able to physically see each other.
Isn't the whole point of a blind date to size up the appearance of your date in the first two seconds and have a friend call your cell if he/she is hideous so you can go home because "your house is on fire?" A) what if your date is Corey Haim, a morbidly obese transvestite or the wrong sex and B) how do you find your cell in the dark?
This just proves that no one in L.A. knows how to date:
Own a Gun
It's the 
Some screwed-up town in Western Pennsylvania wants to pass a law insisting that all its residents own guns. Something about the fact that the man in the household needs to be able to defend his woman. Wow. Whoever said chivalry was dead? Click on this:
Britney (almost) Baring Bush
oops... she did it again -- Britney's Bare Butt
Lindsay Lohass
Paris's Parts -- AND Polka Dots! the fun never ends!
So, it's well known now that Paris and Britney and Lindsay LOVE to go beaver-bare. Who knew that so many people would care? Obviously, they did. What a great way to make sure your publicist can take the day off. Ingenious. But now people are weighing in. SO...
For the intellectuals out there, check out Camille Paglia's feminist take on it: "These women are lowering themselves to backstreet floozies":
If you'd rather hear Bette Midler's rant on these "wild and woolly sluts" check out:
Or if you're in the 'Britney deserves a little compassion' category, check out what she has to say to defend her actions:
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20061207/D8LS9LO86.html
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